The Worst of Times

Life kind of sucks right now and is downright frightening to be honest. Having sold the business and not sure what I wanted to do with my life from that point forward, I embarked on some world travels. I spent a week or two in Germany and Switzerland and then hooked up with an old girlfriend from my undergraduate days. She works for the US government in a diplomatic capacity, and is posted in Kuwait for a year (of all places). Having always been interested in the Middle East and having been there briefly last year, I decided to join her for what was supposed to be a week....or maybe two at most. Well, my friends, a week or two is now going on four. Why? Because the government here has placed a travel ban on my ass, that's why. And I don't even have access to my passport. Why would they do this, you ask? What did I do? Well, the short answer is I rode in the front seat of a car with my girlfriend and two Kuwaiti guys hit us broadside. It was clearly not our fault. One of the guys in the other car was seriously injured and is reportedly still in the hospital on a ventilator. And there is an ongoing invesitgation. Apparently there's some rule here that states if there's an accident with fatalities or serious injuries and it involves a foreigner, there's a huge investigation and a travel ban is placed on the foreigner. The foreigner would be me. There's a travel ban on my friend too, but it really doesn't affect her as she's working here right now anyway. Again, the accident was clearly not our fault and even if it had been, I wasn't driving the damn car, so why the hell am I banned from traveling? I can't get a straight answer, other than "it's the law here." The embassy is of no help. They just keep telling me to be patient and let the process take care of it itself. I"m not incacerated or anything, just can't leave. My girlfriend has a nice apartment overlooking the Persian Gulf and there are many luxuries here, but I want to go the hell home. Apparently what's taking so long is that they haven't even started this socalled investigation yet. I've contacted a political friend back home who tried to make some inquiries, but he gets the same answer, "she just has to be patient." All I want to do is go home. And I'm going to kiss the ground as soon as I get off the plane. What I'd like to know is, what would happen if I had a family and children or a job to get back home to? What would someone do in that situation? My situation is bad enough. I shudder to think what would happen to someone with more responsibilites back home. God bless America.

Lent and Pizza

I always give up something for Lent each year, over the years it's been soda, a specific kind of fruit snack in which I used to indulge, pedicures, etc. This year I decided to make it really difficult and give up pizza. It's only been a week and a day, but I can't take it anymore..I crave pizza...i dream about it, I envision it, I must have it. Trying to stay strong, but not sure it's going to work.

Three Minutes with W

I'm back from KC and it turned out to be more of an adventure than I thought it would. The mission was to go and bring back some trucks, but as it turns out the President was in town. When we were landing in KC on Thursday night, the pilot informed us that Air Force One had landed only an hour prior and that the president was in town. Interesting..I thought. So, upon checking into the hotel I went online to see if I could find out just why he was in town. Turns out he was touring a plant or two, giving a volunteer award, and also appearing at a fundraiser at a "private residence." Upon further invesitation, I found out that for $5,000 I could attend said fundraiser and also get an official VIP photo with him and attend a rally and luncheon. Thinking it might be too late since it was the next day, I emailed the contact person listed with the information inquiring about how to attend, included my phone number and went to bed. the next morning I had a message upon getting out of the shower with a bubbly young girl telling me that yes I can attend but she has to take my credit card over the phone immediatley and give her my ss # and birthdate. So, in a manic moment I did just that and then went down the hall to inform my guys that we weren't going sight seeing prior to our meeting as planned and that I'd meet them back at the hotel right before we were scheduled to go sign the paperwork at the truck dealer. they were all like, "what the hell? You've got to be kidding us. " but I wasn't. So I hurriedly prettied myself up and changed into the dress I had brought to wear to sign the paperwork. got a taxi to the event, only to find that the taxi had to drop me a mile away and I had to take a special shuttle bus provided by the event staff to the home where this was held. I thought my daddy had had a nice home..but his entire house would've fit into the living room of this place...wow. So, after an hour and a half of wine and cheese and grapes and fighting off the advances of 50 year old lobbyist men, it was time to get in the VIP photo line...and there was W. I think I'm going to look taller than him when I get the photo back because he didn't seem very tall and I was wearing three inch heels (in fact he said, "those are some killer heels.....boy oh boy")...he asked me what were my most important concerns and I told him tax cuts for the upper middle class and privatizing social secuirty. He said, "good girl" I told him he made me proud to be an american and that was that. Then they herded everyone into the basement of this home which looked like a large movie theater and I made my way to the front of the rope line. W came in and rallied the crowd and then worked the rope line, shaking my hand and asking me more about myself. told me he was proud of me and then posed for a photo with me that one of his detail took with my own camera. Gave me a thumbs up and then he was gone. I don't know if it was worth the money and I was almost late for the business appointment (but I made it with a minute to spare), but it was defintely a cool experience.

Airport Exhibtionist

So, I haven't blogged in a whlie and I'm sitting at an airport gate here in Newark, because my original flight which connected in Chicago got cancelled (apparently there are some nasty storms over the Midwest right now) and I'm not flying out until after 7 p.m. now. En route to Kansas City, MO with some guys who work for me to pick up a few trucks for the business. So, I spilled coffee on myself a little bit ago and decided to go into the restroom and change my jeans. So I rolled my suitcase on into the ladies room. The area near this particular gate was deserted..as was the ladies room..so I guess I kind of forgot that I was in a public restroom and not at home. I just opened up my suitcase in front o the sink and pulled out another pair of pants and pulled off the coffee stained pair...I'm weaing tall shiny black sexy dressy boots up to my knee and I just pulled the stained pants off over them and was ready to pull on the fresh pair when in walks a woman in a business suit...and there I was in the middle of the ladies room with nothing on from the waist down (I'm not wearing panties today either, but what's new?" except for the black boots. She looked liked she'd seen a ghost and I said, "Oh..um..hey there!" and she frowned at me and I said, "you know..just forgot where I was for a second....sorry." She continued to frown at me and walked into a stall. I quickly began pulling the new pair up over my boots, but they got stuck on the heel of my left boot and I almost tripped over. my suitcase..and then two more women came walking in an- older woman who appeared to be in her 70's and a younger woman who was probably her daughter. The older woman put her hand over her mouth and gasped and the younger woman said, "This isn't a public locker room, you know." I just smiled and continued to pull the pants up,zippered them, closed up my suitcase and got out of there...and now the older woman and her daughter have just taken seats at my gate. I'm sitting here typing surrounded by the four men who work for me and it's obvious we're all together from the way we're chatting and going on. I'll bet these women think I'm a fuckdoll for these strapping young lads. Sigh.

Rudy

I don't get it. I think the Republican nomination was Giulani's for the taking...but he screwed it up and I'm still not sure how. He was the perfect candidate to appeal to both sides. Where did he go wrong and what the hell happened?

Holiday Greetings

For My Democrat Friends:
Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally success ful, p ersonally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the generally accepted calendar year 2008, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere, and without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishes. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

For My Republican Friends: Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Fun weekend

My weekend was one wild experience after another...but looking back it was a lot of fun.


First off, I know exactly what's on the top of my Christmas list this year- a palm sander. What is a palm sander you might ask? Well..to be honest I'm not sure what all of its uses include, but i know that it's a tool, a power tool and I guess you would use it to sand things, as in woodwork, etc.....well, Friday night I hooked up with this guy who I hooked up with previously (and that time he tore my ass so hard that it bled...but I loved it) and we were messing around and he excuses himself for a minute and comes back in with this power tool, plugs it in (and boy was it loud) and tells me he's going to use it on my pussy. At first I'm like, "what the fuck...what's it going ot do to me?" and he demonsrates by putting it on his arm and showing me that it's not going to burn or cut me....so he starts smashing it against my pussy while I'm standing butt naked in the middle of his kitchen...just over the whole area and in 3 seconds I was orgasming harder and louder than I ever have in my entire life. I think some pee actually may have leaked out of me...I'm not sure, but something was running down my leg. He kept it there and I just kept screaming and cumming and screaming and loving it. I didn't know where one orgasm started and the next began. I may have had 20 to 25 orgasms in one minute. It's hard to say how many it may have been. I'm surprised this guy's neighbors weren't calling 9-1-1 thinking that someone was being murdered with me screaming so loudly and the power tool being so loud and all. I still shudder (with pleasure) thinking about it.


So after a Friday evening of being used and abused by this guy (and drinking a very tasty milkshake from a really strange Burger King), I set off on Saturday morning to meet some old friends for a renanisance fair in the middle of nowhere. The Renanisance fair was just stupid. I'd been to one before, but this one was just lame. Three of my best girlfriends and I from ages past then went to an amusement park that was having a special Halloween weekend event. After being threatened eviction from the park, because two of us tried to stand up on a wooden roller coaster, we hit a deer with my rental car....rather "the deer hit our car!" as my friend keeps saying. Well, this poor deer was twitching and moving and it was just a horrible awful site and next thing I know my other friend grabs an umbrella out of the car and starts beating the thing over the head to "put it out its misery" (her words, not mine). I was ready to kill her for hurting this poor thing, but at the same time, I realize that after it hit the car, it was probably going to die anyway, and that instead of letting it suffer in pain by the side of the road, perhaps what she did was best (if not a tad gruesome). So, the hood on the rental car was pretty screwed up, but the car was still drivable and we didn't want to get the police involved. So, we kept driving. The plan was to drive 3 hours back to my place in NJ, but we were making slow progress...the deer incident was just the beginning. Two miles later, I tried to make a U-turn (because we were starving and saw a sign for the Golden Arches) and nearly hit another car that was going 80 mph. We were just inches from said vehicle, when my friends screamed for me to watch out. After that, I wasn't "allowed" to drive anymore and my friend took over. The McDonald's advertised on the blue road sign was nowhere to be found and then we ended up down some dark, black, scary road. We got turned around and stopped at another McDonalds, only to find that they were closed. We were starving by this time and ready to eat anything. As we're pulling out of the parking lot, some weird guy appeared out of nowhere and just started pounding with his fists on the trunk of the car. We were like, "what?" and he was screaming gibberish and my friend just floored it and we went flying back onto the highway...almost striking yet ANOTHER car (this one appeared to be a station wagon of sorts). About ten miles later (and no signs of food in site), a car in the passing lane next to us, started swerving and we heard busting glass....my friend in the back seat yelled out, "they hit another goddamn deer!" and we looked to see that the car beside us had hit a deer and literally broke it in half. The head was lying on the roadway and the back legs and butt were flying down the side of the road. Surreal.

So, at this point, one of my friends pointed out that we'd seen way too many signs of peril, and perhaps we were supposed to stop driving and get a hotel for the night. It was close to midnight by this time and I agreed that I was game. My other friend was lukewarm to the idea so we drove a few more miles and then saw a tractor trailer nearly run over a minivan when going back into the right lane. Luckily, the minivan was able to pull off to the side of the road without getting hit. At this point, the lukewarm friends says, “Okay, next exit, motel.I don’t care what kind of a place it is, we’re going. So we end up at some halfway decent looking family owned hotel type place. Actually has two floors and the sign boasts, “Free wi-fi, outdoor pool!” So, we go in and are informed that all they have left are “king rooms with a Jacuzzi” for the “special couples rate” of $81.99. Before any of the group can protest, I say, “we’ll take it.”

The hotel isn’t a total dump (just 75% dump) and we passed the hours drinking cheap warm beer and taking pictures of me naked sitting in the white trash Jacuzzi tub. I say white trash, because it just looked like something out of a by the hour motel. I tried to seduce my two friends (one of them and I have messed around previously), but they were having none of it. I was pretty bummed about this…but I didn’t push too hard. It was right before we were ready to actually go to sleep (three of us in a king bed, me naked), that we discovered there was a switch over the bed that said, “bed.” We’re like, “what….?” And then I said, ‘OH..i get it..it vibrates..” and I hit the switch and the whole bed starts going up and down and vibrating and gyrating. We collapsed into giggles and I think we all fell asleep within minutes. I awoke to see the numbers on the clock reading “8:41 a.m.” This really pissed us off, because we had asked for an 8 a.m. wake up call. That call never came. I stumbled into the bathroom, all tired and cranky to find a dead roach on the floor beside the toilet. So, it was a slow start. My friends had to drag me out of the lobby as I was arguing with the desk attendant upon checkout that we should be given a partial refund due to the roach and the missed wake up call. His response? “Hey, lady, this ain’t the Ritz Carlton or even the Holiday Inn Express, the Holiday Inn Express is two exits up.”

Back on the road, we decide to head to Philadelphia to drop off one of my friends and return my rental car, since that’s where I got it when getting off the train from NY on Friday afternoon (which at this point seemed like weeks before as opposed to 48 hours). The rental car people were trying to give me a lecture on safe driving habits after I had to explain about the hood, but I wanted to hear none of it. It was a deer, damn it, there was nothing I could do about it and my insurance will take care of it. All of this back and forth caused me to realize my train was departing in less than two minutes and I ran through 30th street station faster than I’ve ever ran before. only to find that the train had already pulled out of the station. So, I had to wait another hour before the next train to New York and I finally got to eat that McDonalds food we’d all been craving the night before. To be quite honest, it really didn’t taste all that delicious. I fell asleep on the train, dreaming of the palm sander and returned to New York cracking up laughing at it all. I guess I could complain about all of our mishaps, but in retrospect it was all pretty damn funny.